REAL MEN DON’T NEED HELP —a statement as destructive as it is untrue.
In EVERY MAN’S heads runs a voice:
• I need help, but if I ask for it, the lads will judge or laugh at me.
• I’m lost but if I ask for support I’ll lose everyone’s respect.
• I’m confused but I don’t even know how to ask for help or where to start.
This voice is the result of a culture that has not supported men to speak their vulnerability. There’s no point directing blame for it, the fact is, it exists and it’s having a massive effect on their lives, mental health, and tragically contributing to suicide rates.
You see, as a man, I can tell you. We carry a lot of pressure to be strong; to provide; to be successful; to be wealthy, and to be the guy that everyone wants to be. To always be alpha. And don’t get me wrong, it’s great to feel that as we work hard and make something of ourselves. But even a machine gun overheats at some point. And when that happens, for most men, it ain’t pleasant.
The truth is, many men ARE struggling in quiet desperation. Maybe they are alone, or maybe their partner has brought up things a few times but either way, it’s just too hard to overcome the voice and talk about.
And it IS hard overcoming a culture of not talking about stuff and moving into a new world where we talk about what’s REALLY going on to our loved ones. (If you don’t think it’s hard, remember that too many would rather take their own life or hurt their loved ones than share the load.) And the voices in our head still tell us to harden up.
To allow the authenticity of emotions into our life is, to me, the source of a deeper connection to our existence as men. It ultimately opens you up to a better state of mind, where energy flows. It may feel like a mountain, but once climbed you realised the sweet view. And you may have to climb the mountain a few times to get the hang of it. But, you can then cultivate deeper relationships with the ones you love: your partner will be happier, your kids will happier and you will be happier.
There are many practical tools out of these roadblocks too. It can be found in many ways, and I teach holistic approach to my clients: clean diet, regular exercise, therapy, mindset training, meditation, hypnotherapy, support groups, coaching, medication. etc
I personally have used therapy for support in times that I felt weak and lost, and it helped; to share the load with someone, and in some cases, talk through things that were burdening my mind; or unpacking things that I was holding onto from my past. I recommend this. (And to all men reading this, if interested you can contact your GP to set up 20 medicare subsidised sessions. )
I have also found that MOVEMENT is a great source of relief in those difficult times. Be that physical movement (going for a run etc) or the mental movement of PROGRESS. Movement from today into the future, free from the binds of the past. Because the past IS GONE. It exists in your mind and to some degree your body, but you can let it go and stop the mindset that constantly relives and revives it. Looking forward to the future and taking the time to design our direction and dream destination allows you to focus on something positive while you get better and make peace with who you are at this time.
I have the utmost respect for the men in my life who talk from the soul and share what’s going on. It ain’t weakness, brother, when you fighting hard just to keep going and pushing back against a culture of silence and ignorance, it’s strength.
I’m here for anyone going through tough times, for which there are many right now—and you can be sure I’m reaching out to my buddies too.
Kia kaha, stay strong in spirit.
P.s. If you are looking for a dedicated coach to get you moving forward up and out of your rut, I offer strategies and tools that predictably help in getting things cranking in the direction they want. And yeah, we’ll talk about what’s been going on too! But it’s all on your terms. Email me at bede (at) masterme.com.au. .